I love how she runs her fingers through my hair. Without saying a word, she's said enough.

I love how she falls to the ground in playful laughter when I run my hands along her sides.

I love how she can handle her life and find happiness in the day to day. Yet, chose to let me in and watch it flourish.

I love that she puts her kids first always. When they're grown they'll know then what I know now.

I love that she never settled. Requiring a high reciprocal standard from a partners actions, beliefs and ways.

I love that she sent me that first message, because if not for that I'd still be a wandering soul.

And I love that, so much.

Through the fog of it all, the songbirds sang the loudest. In the depths of my tears, I strived to pierce the haze. Crippled at my soul, I masked the bitter truth for the betterment of those I loved. Peace was never attainable, moderation reached at best. The scars scorched too deep to allow a return to childlike innocence. Events of my own doing etch a past unable to overcome. My pain is a cumulative taste of what I’d cast unto others. Self serving decisions rooted in ego and lust bind my psyche with an inescapable weight. To end it all is the weak solution often sourced. 

Redemption is my anecdote. 

An internal forgiveness forges the way. Conquering the demons and quelling them in perpetuity provides a free conscience. Burrowing away my lessons learned in attempt to guard my pride is a disservice for the confused and hurting I encounter. Mentoring through subjective transparency welds the strongest bond to a yearning derelict. This selfless pursuit gives way to the sunshine. A blue sky where the songbirds soar free. 

That split rail fence must have led on for miles. Breezy as the moonlight lit the walk. Cool enough for a sweatshirt, a swisher keeping me company. Dust at my boots and wind through my hair. A long day behind me, another on its way. Trains passing in the distance with that old familiar song. I look far upon the horizon, yet the focus is on my mind. A place I’ve never been, likely not to return. A home for the night only I’ll ever remember. Finding comfort in the silence has become a way of life. Like generations before me that dared to venture west, I tip my hat to you. Vast great expanses offer intrigue to the stir crazy soul. Sights to behold and fleeting moments in time. We’re all just passing through, standing six feet higher than those who’d had it worse. The culprit of harm breeds pain through influence. A conduit of peace will restore hope in the weary. Decide to live great, and let it percolate naturally. Stay the course and just keep walking along the fence. 

Letting go is saying no. Giving in regurgitates the pain. A sheer temptress, waiting in the wings. Beckoning you again to fall for familiarity. Tears wiped away soon swell at the breech. Longing for lust that’ll always be your crave.
Letting go will set you free. A loving touch from the fair and honest soul. You’ve met her type before and squandered it all away. The wake of wrenching turmoil is far too much to bear.
Freedom is within your grasp, just open your heart. Choose peace and find solace in love.

You had it all within you

The excuses got in your way

The sad truth is that less intelligent minds prevailed with blind confidence

They plowed forward on arrogant confidence and succeeded

You justified your minimal path because of personal hardships

Yet, in reality they were able to overcome and you faltered

Achieving success as they intended, victorious as they set out

Proving intelligence is not the determining factor of prosperity

Your personal choice of accepting weakness envelopes all dreams

The cusp of fate standing before you with the knowledge of promise, you made a choice

Heart and determination engulfs all fear and paves the path sought before you

Pushing it back as you cry forward

Head down, eyes shut, driving into the wind

A mission worthy of more than your shortcomings

Tracts set in motion, benefiting generations deep below you

Misunderstood in the pursuit and heralded in success

Those that only know your name speak of you in reverence

A mission accomplished

A life worth lived

A great man

It was just another west Texas diner on a forgettable interstate.
Charming and quaint, I pulled in for a break.  
Halfway to the big city and still far enough for blue skies. 

She had my attention in a way so few ever have. 

Dolled up in makeup and curls, even if only to carry a pen and pad. 

Her inquisitive nature was refreshing, given the solidarity of the road.

Doing her busy work for a little to long, at a booth across from mine. 

Brushing her hair back too often to realize, looking away and eager to look back.

Her voice reminding me of a kindness from a past love.   

Caught between life's obligations and a young girls dreams. 

Turning to share a smile as I left to get back on the road, our moment in time fading into the ethos. 

All she asked were simple questions, but all I heard was take me with you. 

An elevated ego leaves you high above the crowd for judgement. The platform you sought only raises your stature for ridicule. A life of love and humility will net praise and forgiveness from those closest, sparing the onslaught of opinions from those who love to condemn.

Everyone succumbs when there’s nothing left. Though your intentions were pure, the mistake was trying to see Glinda deep behind the green eyes of the west. Holding onto a delusion of grandeur while the storm intensified beyond your horizon. The fool arriving in a raincoat to the pool party. Sculpted in the sky but can’t read between the lines. The bitterness of familiarity as self actualization roars to the front. Another whiskey down, another ring on the bar. Go ahead and tell the world, as if it’ll matter. 

You’re pumped for Sunday kickoff, I crave the orders to breech. 
You hear crickets on a summer night, I hear small arms at 400 yards out. 
You send back your steak if it’s not to your liking, I ate sand on every meal for months. 
You stare into the night after 7 bud talls while reminiscing of college glory. I’ve wowed you with the few memories I allow myself to share and still be capable of sleeping tonight. 

I have friends I’d die for, you have friends you’d betray to sleep with their girl. 

Your family misses you after your long business trip. My family doesn’t exist because I’ve abandoned them for 180 days, at least. 

You miss the smell of backyard bonfires; grilling steaks and betting march madness. I miss the smell of cordite and JP8. 

I didn’t ask for this life, and I wasn’t given a choice. 

It’s fucked that I even miss it a little, but I do. 
Don’t wave flags at me, I know what I’ve done. I don’t need a reminder. 
I am not a victim, I’m a professional. 
I didn’t wait to join until 9/11 happened, I was already in boot camp. I didn’t need a reason, I am the reason. 

I knew what was required at a young age. 

A childlike freedom, placing hand over my heart. 
Groomed to honor freedom, despising all who oppose. 
My obligation overcame my fear. Yours did not. I accept that you’ll have to live with that. 
When called upon, I stepped to the yellow footprints, becoming a man in mere months. 
When given orders to invade at nightfall, I stood ready. Relying solely on courage, training and instincts. The men at my side I trusted with my life. 
Any apprehension of my duty was voided from my psyche. Allegiance to orders are what wins wars. To debate and rationalize in hindsight is fine, but the field of combat makes no allotment for this. 

As countless generations stood tall before me, I continued our tradition and set off. 

Our political options make me sick, none of you value my brethren as I. Let alone the freedoms deserved by all people regardless of their location of birth. I say you’re bought and sold, watch you go back on everything you’ve told. 
I may be quiet now, often misunderstood. I don’t expect you to comprehend. Accept my silence as progress in a constant battle to find my peace. 
I’ll force a smile and make you feel okay, I’m good at burying what’s underneath. I’ve been conditioned to hide it very well. 
It takes good men willing to go to extreme lengths to keep you safe at home. 
You’re welcome and fuck you. 

Your excellence will be defined in the moments of yearning. The struggle will come when you seek to replicate it after accepting all the accolades. Learning to stay hungry on a full stomach is the struggle found within. A story of hard knocks written from a den with mahogany walls is authentic as Formica.